As someone who considers herself a unicorn woman, I have had the opportunity to explore a variety of non-monogamous relationships. My experiences have exposed me to a variety of rules that govern threesomes. They comprise of everything from no-holds-barred BDSM dominant/submissive agreements to engagements that are not governed by any regulations at all. Currently, I am in a no-rules relationship, and to be honest, I would not change it for any other kind of engagement. Securing a polyamorous relationship is like a unicorn hunter finally finding his/her trophy. However, this is unattainable without effective communication and creation of boundaries.
However, the absence of rules for any couple that is seeking threesomes for the first time is petrifying. In fact, valid reasons for being wary about polyamory exist. Transitioning from a monogamous relationship to a polyandrous one calls for a total transformation of your communication approach. This change is not limited to what you talk about. Instead, it also involves how you talk about various issues in the relationship.
For many couples who may be described as unicorn hunters who are seeking the intriguing but highly elusive polyamorous relationship, the primary concern is that such a move may end up hurting the marriage. Therefore, in such a situation, it is important to acknowledge that rules don’t substitute effective communication. At no point should you ever feel that rules can replace good communication. In case you feel this way, you can rest assured that your relationship is headed for destruction. Nonetheless, rules can help a couple in learning how to communicate in a polyamorous relationship when they are applied effectively.
In my current relationship setup, I use three primary rules that have ensured success so far. Firstly, we disclose everything to each other. Essentially, you need to explain what you are doing to your partner in a manner that achieves the same goals as if they were beside you seeing and reading everything. This may not sound empathetic, but if you are not willing to learn to communicate effectively, polyamory is not for you.
The second rule of starting a polyamorous relationship is to ensure that you speak before you are spoken to. This rule basically means that there are no secrets in the relationship. Irrespective of whether you are using a dating website, sending suggestive text messages or talking on the phone, you and your partner are unaware of the real expectations from each other. Therefore, you should make them clear to your potential partner.
Lastly, the awareness that a polyamorous relationship will have consequences on you as a couple, as well as your potential partner, is important. Although I am not supportive of vetoes, you will be playing with fire if you don’t have one. If you experience more than three failures within a single month, it is advisable to take a break, end all relationships, and focus on improving your communication skills.
Starting a polyamorous relationship is like a unicorn hunter setting out to find a unicorn woman in that you are venturing into unknown territory as a couple. From my experiences, success or failure of your threesome arrangement is dependent on how well you apply the three basic rules I have outlined, which will help you communicate effectively.